A Pregnant Pause

The funniest thing happened when I got pregnant. I got shy. I was so convinced that I would love blogging about my pregnancy. I adore reading all your posts with updates, bump photos, symptoms and cravings.

Now that I get the chance to share? Notsomuch.

I adore being pregnant. I relish my ever-growing bump. I have not been sick at all and have (in the second trimester) had energy to burn. Why then, the lack of blogging?

I think it began in the first 12 weeks. After having fertility issues and a few false starts, Hubs and I were super cautious about getting our hopes up about the pregnancy. We took one test at home, cried together and then quietly went about our business until we could see the doctor for confirmation.

Hubs and I were both so cautious and terrified of getting our hopes up. My hormone levels were still so diabolically low after the first cycle of Clomid that the OB had warned it may take a few months to conceive. She had also warned about the higher than average risk of miscarriage.

It was as if we didn't want to jinx anything. We celebrated quietly together. Hubs fussed over me. I napped after work, gave up coffee and stocked my bag with Starburst suckers to keep the nausea away. Other than that, life went on. We told nobody. We didn't talk about baby names or buy a single item. We did hit up baby stores to start the budgeting process, but that was all very low key.

Neither of us could fully embrace and celebrate the pregnancy until we had the all-clear from the OB. That joyful day came on 18 October. We saw our OB and she did an ultrasound in her rooms. We saw our beautiful baby on the screen. The doctor was thrilled and gave the pregnancy her blessing.

The next hurdle was the big 12 week scan. We had to attend the hospital for that scan and I was beyond nervous. It was like all my law school exams rolled together, but I was not allowed to study. There was absolutely nothing I could do to prepare for the most important test of my life. We had still told no-one that we were pregnant, not even our parents.

We passed the test with flying colours! We saw the most beautifully detailed images of our baby on the screen and saw/heard the heart beat. It was like the most wonderful awakening and we knew we could finally tell the people we loved. We told our families and closest friends that week.

Things have progressed well since that time. The 20 week scan was a little difficult as our little bebe was not co-operating. It took longer than I expected to feel the baby move. I wasn't sick, didn't have heartburn or sciatica. I began to worry that I didn't feel pregnant enough. I didn't even really have any cravings!

All your posts record amazing developments, physical symptoms (good and bad!) and Husbands dashing out for late night taco / ice cream / potato chip fixes. I had nothing to report. I felt like a pregnancy fraud!

I met all my milestones, gradually transitioned into maternity clothes and started organising things for the nursery. Not really blog worthy!

Also, I still harbored the dark fears of the jinx. I have quietly nurtured and cherished my pregnancy with my husband. I have enjoyed being pregnant. I love how my body feels. I am told I am glowing! I am just not confident enough to trumpet it all over the inter-webs. Crazy, I know.

I am now 25 weeks pregnant. Hubs and I are talking about baby names. We have ordered a cot and chosen a pram and nursery furniture. I am about to apply for maternity leave.

I figure it is time I let you girls in on the journey. I want to share the fun bits. I want to inspire other women with fertility problems. I want to document the journey that is my first pregnancy.

I cannot promise weekly updates. I will post some of my bump pics (we have been taking them) and recap some of the highs and lows.

I will also need to vent about the politics of the baby shower. Ladies, this is more difficult than my wedding! However, that is a whole post in itself!

Thanks for catching up!

xx elle



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